How to Love and Keep Your Wife
Posted: Sunday, March 28, 2010
by Jon Searles
This article is not intended for women to read and know the secrets of men's minds and hearts, so do what you can not to read this if you are a woman (yeah, good luck with that.)
Do you know that feeling when love is beginning to grow from initial attraction and you find it difficult to do anything other than think of the woman that has crossed your path. You cannot wait to talk to them again, to see them again, and by chance to kiss them again. All you "REAL MEN" out there have already tuned out because it is getting a little to sappy for you which probably only means you have been emotionally hobbled by life examples of other men or what you perceive as normal in a relationship. You women, who have been told not to read this, may also find that I am going down a path that you would not agree with, but read on; you may change your mind. Unfortunately, some women share your understanding of how relationships should work and find themselves weary of a man who may actually be able to show a little love and compassion. Don't confuse what I am about to share with you as to the style of man you may be. I will infer that you are a heterosexual male and you desire a meaningful and long term relationship with a female. Whether that means you fall into tall, short, fat, skinny, tough, macho, sensitive, introvert, extrovert, brooding, handsome, ugly, or today's metrosexual subcategories makes no difference since different women have different ideas of what they find attractive in a mate. The rules I am about to share, when applied properly, will guarantee you success only if the female you are targeting will apply to a female set of rules that I am not qualified to share with you.
2.) Never cuss a woman- I believe woman have become more aggressive because men have treated them more aggressively and they have had to fight back. I am not saying that stern words should never be used between a man and woman, but I am saying that name calling, and profane descriptions are never needed when addressing a woman, especially your partner. If you find yourself wanting to use the "b" word, stop yourself. Once it is uttered, you can never take it back.
3.) You cannot overuse "I LOVE YOU" if it is directed toward the same person on a daily basis. Even on days when you are not completely sure it is as valid as it was when you first met her, make sure you say it. You will find that like kindling in a dying fire, it will reignite and reigniting daily is important.
4.) Turn off the television, computer, and cell phone- When your spouse speaks to you, turn off or mute the television, turn away from the computer screen, and send your phone to voice mail and face her. She does not want to play second fiddle to your electronic devices. Pile your television, computer, and Iphone into your bed and see if they give you as much comfort.
5.) Do something special for her everyday- Taking out the garbage without being coaxed, washing a load of cloths, starting the dishes, or just sitting with the kids and helping with homework can themselves be relationship power plays. Throwing in the occasional flower arrangement, or proper gift can also go a long way.
6.) Work hard don't whine- Find a job, and do it well. A lady wants a strong man who is not prone to constant whining, aches and pains, in a marinade of "poor me". When life actually puts something in the way that shakes you, you will find she will be there to support you if you have not "cried wolf".
7.) Realize SHE is your best friend- Your partner must be the best friend in your life in everything. There should not be another man or woman that can share this title. If there is, you WILL have a problem. Best friends seem easier for men to keep than wives, so make her your best friend.
8.) Sometimes she just needs to be held- No kissing and other stuff, just cuddle on the couch or hold her until she falls asleep.
9.) Do what you are asked- Don't make excuses just do it. Run the errand, fix the washer, pick up the milk, talk to the kids, it is not going to kill you.
10.) Do the man stuff - We are called upon for protection, security, and to be the keeper of the tools. If she cannot count on you for that she will find out very soon. You don't need to be a handyman, but you do need to know how to hire and properly direct them. You don't need to be a fighter or own a gun, but you do need to be willing to throw yourself in front of her when it is necessary.
11.) Keep yourself healthy and looking good- As we grow older we tend to gravitate to the old tee shirt and sweat pants style. Make it a point to keep yourself healthy. You can do this together with exercise and eating right. Occasionally put on a nice crisp clean shirt, trousers, and properly applied hygiene products and take her out. Don't get lazy with the way you look ..and smell.
Now, I know there are some very good relationship counselors that read and write Searchwarp articles and I also know most of them appear to be women. If you think I am off the mark, let me know. If you find that you need to write the female side of this observation, feel free to do so. My experience is from over 25 years with the same woman and not from any course or book. Luckily Searchwarp.com gives us the ability to write as if we are an authority on something that we may not be at all.
Right now, I have to get off the computer because my wife has asked that I do something that is important to her. She needs me to vacuum the cars and get her a Dr. Pepper in a plastic bottle.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I love this article. Good advice, nice job.Welcome to searchwarpPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thank you for reading.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I think you're right on the mark with this one Jon. I predict your fan club is about to blossom. I'd join, but I'm already a fan. Nice job.Please log in to respond to this comment.Brianna, Thank you for reading and thank you for joining. I am not sure I should actually have fans in a fan club. Have a great week!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Jon, very good article. My husband and I have been married 35 years and I think you pointed out some very important areas that truly go a long way in a marriage partnership. A couple of other areas might be to remember you are two seperate individuals and will grow at different times throughout your marriage...allow her some distance (and you) when this is needed. Above all, you must RESPECT one another each and every day (this goes with your no name calling point) but even deeper than this. Learn to compromise and not take each other too much for granted. Learn to forgive and forgive some more when it is needed. Love life for life itself and love the one your with for sharing this life and their love with you.Please log in to respond to this comment.Elizabeth,One of the other points I was going to add was never let your knees get lazy when it comes to prayer and asking God for support. I just was trying to keep my writing a little more secular but I will tell you it is another way I keep my marriage strong and grounded. Thanks you for reading and all the best for another 35 plus to you and your husband.Please log in to respond to this comment.
You are clearly the perfect man, and your postbox will soon be inundated with "leave your wife and marry me" letters! I loved this article, Jon! Lucky wife, that's what I say. Hey, have you got any twin brothers?Please log in to respond to this comment.Jennifer,Thank you for the comments but I know there are some days that my wife would put me on ebay. As for brothers, he is happily married also. Thanks for reading.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Mick and I are coming up on 25 this July - you and he must have read the same book! Keep writing and encouraging - great advice!Please log in to respond to this comment.My wife and I hit 26 in July! Thank you for reading.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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