Companions for the Elderly
Posted: Sunday, March 07, 2010
by Jon Searles
My wife has begun a new career that I would find difficult to pursue. This new career has nothing to do with her college degree in Horticulture or in her years of banking experience. The career has a lot to do with what she learned at home, with her family.
As a preteen she helped care for a great grandmother who was a strong part of her young life and a grandfather whose fight with cancer ended while surrounded by those who loved and cared for him. She spent hours caring for these people at a time when they needed love and family the most.
She is called upon to do anything that is generally not considered healthcare. While her client contracts can include cooking and cleaning, most of the time it is primarily adult conversation and transportation. Trips to the beauty parlor, church, restaurant, doctor, or just a walk through the local WalMart are part of her daily routine. On occasion she has been called upon to share in watching the 2010 Winter Olympics or The Price is Right (Although the lady still hasn't noticed Bob Barker was replaced). The women share their lives and experiences, all of which my wife cannot discuss outside of work for ethical reasons. I do know that they are as important to her as she is to them.
The women she cares for have been teachers, entrepreneurs, and housewives who have in many cases lost their spouse and find themselves mostly alone. Most have children that find themselves living far away and are unable to visit daily or weekly, the parent that is now living without, in some cases, any contact with anyone during the day. Conversation that my wife finds amazing is filled with talk of life's experiences, nostalgic trips recalling family memories, and the ups and downs of today.
It seems easy for my wife and I to simply say that the children of these people, who my wife calls "her ladies" should simply move them in to their homes, but it is not that easy. The "ladies" want their own homes and their independence more than they want to fill the loneliness that greets them each day. They need familiar surroundings and routine for balance. Let's also realize that for many it would be an emotionally impossible exercise for some children to actually have their elderly mother living under the same roof with their young families.
My wife has been asked to care for a few in difficult situations before long term nursing care is needed. She will be able to help with transition and be a friendly face during a difficult time. I also pity the individual who my wife feels is taking advantage of one of her elderly clients. She definitely knows who to call if she feels one of "her ladies" is not being treated properly.
Many of us have realized that our parents may actually need care longer than we lived as children in their home. It is not unrealistic with modern medicine and nutrition for children to provide some form of care and companionship for their parents for 20-30 years after retirement. My wife has a client who is over 100 years old. Have you made plans for your parents or are you living it today?
The job my wife has undertaken is only strengthened by her Christianity. She is an employee of these women, but she has become a friend, and they will forever be with her. Not all of us are capable of working with elderly individuals and should not attempt it, but for those, like my wife, with a gift of unconditional love and compassion that radiates from her every day, it is a natural calling. Much like cultures in today's world that treasure their elderly she gives them the respect and time they need and deserve.
I would encourage each of you to look carefully as to how your parents and older family members will be cared for during their senior years. Discuss it with them before it becomes difficult. Age can cause your loved ones to become stubborn and unyielding, but with the proper compassion, and thoughtfulness each of us can help them maintain their dignity and independence while making sure they are not alone. Who knows, if you sit and listen, you may actually learn something.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I've always been drawn to older people, I love to listen to them reminisce. Like you, I think if I take the time to listen, I'll learn from their years of experience. As my husband often says, "We've all got it coming," meaning old-age. We will be lucky if we have people in our lives such as your wife, who actually 'cares' for the elderly, and doesn't just view it as a job. Wonderful article.Please log in to respond to this comment.Brianna,You may have the gift it takes to become a companion or care giver to the elderly. Listening is so very important. So many experiences that you will find yourself amazed by what people have done in their lives.Thanks for reading.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Jon I whole heartedly agree with "Not all of us are capable of working with elderly individuals and should not attempt it, but for those, like my wife, with a gift"I know lots of people who are carers and have always admired them for what they do. It's only special people with a passion that can do this type of work, and sadly I am not cut out for it. So Jon I admire your wife too. Thanks for sharingKeep wellPlease log in to respond to this comment.
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