Is Father's Day Your Failure Day?
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2007
by Jon Searles
This is an article to all fathers.
Watching the news lately I found myself amazed by the actions of children and teenagers in our country. We watch as teenage girls beat another and post it on video web sites. We shake our heads as young men walk into malls and schools and kill. We grimace as we listen to the music of adolescents and count the negative thoughts and use of the curse words in common language. We are appalled by the open sexuality and marketing campaigns aimed at our children. We try to understand why gangs enticing our young people are growing throughout this country. In short, the children and teenagers of our country are scaring the heck out of us and it may be because many are failing as fathers. A harsh reality with a plethura of examples to choose from in our nation's headlines.
One of the great quotes from a character played by Keannu Reeves in the 1989 movie Parenthood was “ You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any * & @#$ be a father." Let’s face it; some males should never father children. Somewhere along the way we have equated having children to being a right like “free speech" and breathing rather than a privilege that is the toughest work you will ever be blessed with in life.
Whatever the reasons you have for not being there to raise your children, you are not new to the mistakes that were made, or the relationships ruined. You can, however open up a dialog with your children like no other time in history. Cell phones, free long distance, email, instant messenger and all the methods of communication are now available for constant contact with our children. It doesn’t hurt to write an old fashion letter and send it by “snail mail". Do not step up to be only their friend, for that is not your job until later in life when they are grown adults, you are called to be their father with all the rights, joy, and heartache that the title entails.
It is not too late to bring these children back before they become an adult generation that fathers the next generation. It can not be done by one person, but it can be done by each of you. You do not need to focus on kids that are not yours, although some of you will step up and save children from pain and suffering you did not father and for that you will be rewarded. Focus on the children you fathered. Now, if you do not love your children or have hurt them in ways that no one should speak of, please walk quietly into the sunset and find a rock to crawl under or a group of fathers to soundly beat the stuffing out of you. Some of you may find that statement a little unforgiving considering my faith based statement in one of the previous paragraphs. Let me set it straight for you on the two things that I know for sure. God forgives and I am not Him.
If you are non existent, disconnected, estranged, or distant from your children, it is time to reconnect. Call them, talk to them, play a game, take them out to eat, or find out what level they are and their characters name in World of WarCraft or Final Fantasy. If you can’t look them in the eye, tell them you love them (it only takes about 0.78 of a second to say “I love you") and hug them with the reassurance of a father, then show them you love them with actions, time and attention. It is never too late to love your children unless you give up. Those of you who are now grandfathers and have yet to connect with your children, they will love you by the way you love their children, your grandchildren. They may not completely recognize the man that now is called “grandpa".
There are some great people throughout this country that are working with the children and adolescents that we have failed. Churches, social organizations, law enforcement gang intervention personnel, scout leaders, and coaches are influencing our children, but not at as fast as we fathered them and their influence is not always as dominant as the darker pressures that prey on our children.
Great athlete, outstanding politician, or successful businessman mean nothing if the next description added can be failure as a father. Make Father’s Day the day you begin the new relationship with your children. Buy a Father’s Day card for your children and write a note about the privilege you’ve been given. Tell them why being their father has been a joy for you. I do not yet count myself a success as a father, but I will continue to work at it until I am no longer needed in that capacity, which I pray is only when I leave this earth.
There is nothing like a strong relationship with your children. I remember the first time each of my children called me “Daddy". My oldest son stopped at about 12 years old since he said it made him sound like a little boy and began using the more grown up version of Dad. My daughter still calls me Daddy in her Alabama accent. I am also blessed that my 15 year old son still calls me Daddy. Now, that may seem a little strange or childish, especially since we live in New England and are no longer in the south where it may be a little more accepted. His friends have heard it but he assured me it is not a problem for him. The fact that he can bench press 260 lbs probably has a lot to do with his friends’ acceptance of his father’s term of endearment.
What are you going to do to make Father’s Day a great one for you and your children!
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Great article, Jon. You seem to know what being a dad is all about. Happy Father's Day to you.Please log in to respond to this comment.
A truly powerful article, Jon, thanks! I'm not a dad, but as I am raising my daughter who I am actually old enough to be her grandmother, I am deeply saddened that many children today are parenting themselves. I hope your article touches the right ears. ...and... Happy Father's Day!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Great article, Jon! I agree that fathers in this country need to step up. Unfortunately, society today doesn't take the role of fatherhood seriously. It's okay for women to become pregnant and raise their children without a father. And Hollywood makes fathers look like incompetent ninnys. Your article is a breath of fresh air!Please log in to respond to this comment.
Thank you for this incredible article.Please log in to respond to this comment.
What many people do not understand about young males is their aboslute biological need for male role models that they can identify with and model themselves on. If fathers and other positive male role models are absent in a boys life, it can result in them looking for other role models. These can be TV characters or peers that see as masculine and 'male' and not necessarily positive images to follow but are the only ones they have. Society needs to be mindful of this need and make provision for boys who's dads are absent. Additionally most dads rate themselves as good dads if they are better than their own dads. You can see how this can be a logical fallacy! With regard to girls, positive female role models are a must. Too much attention is given to IT girls and rehab celebs and skinny celebs etc. Do we really want out daughters aspiring to be like these ladies? It is all about imagry and what we are brainwashing our kids to want to be.Please log in to respond to this comment.
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