Jon Searles

Home Improvement's Great Deception



Posted: Saturday, March 24, 2007

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Businesses thrive because of the interests and purchasing power of the middle aged male. Home Depot, Lowes, and other home improvement mega stores are testament to the fact that we are willing and able to repair, recondition, and renovate our homes with the products we see during our time in these stores.

As men, we traditionally shop like we would hunt wild game. We know exactly what we are out to get. We want to get into the store and move directly and deliberately toward our prey. We want few choices and great prices. If we speak to anyone it is with the intent of decreasing our time in the store by mapping the best course to the item we are searching for in any store. We will purposefully stride quickly with heads down through the sprawling acres of women undergarments in any J.C. Penney, Dillard’s, or Macy’s to decrease the steps needed to reach our target. Truthfully, many of us may actually peak at the offerings at the racks around us that line the aisles and wonder if they would look good on our women.

Then we were witness to a renaissance of store openings that birthed the home improvement store beyond the standard hardware store. Middle aged males were propelled into the world of purchasing items for the improvement of our homes. Tools, lumber, gas grills, lawn implements, security cameras, light fixtures, faucets, as well as a cornucopia of things that awaken the creative designer in all of us. We will spend more time in these stores simply walking the aisles visualizing how each item would fit into our lives. Light switches that activate with motion sensors, automatic timers that turn on our newly installed lawn sprinklers, and the tools. Power tools, hand tools, personalized tools, tools that come aerodynamically designed, ergonomically enhanced, and have the possibility of being packaged with a brightly colored combination flashlight/radio/stepstool fitted with a stylish roll cage, free with every tool set purchase!

Now, the only association that we failed to make during our recent visit to our amusement park of improvement was that most of the items sold involve additional work and time. The laminates, gadgets, and new drawer hardware do not install themselves. At a time when gambling, fishing, golfing, sporting events, and leisure activities become more affordable and necessary, I am contemplating purchasing 785 square feet of wood laminate flooring for our sun room. This purchase will impress my wife far more than driving to the casino with the $1,200 I will spend installing the floor. The floor installation also allows me to spend quality time with my wife standing above me as project superintendent of my home improvement task.

Then I understood the great deception and conspiracy. During my time in the Home Depot and Lowe’s, my wife had been with me. She was right beside me nodding her head in approval as her creatively talented and mechanically inclined middle aged male contemplated every project. She steered and coerced me through paint, wall paper, kitchen cupboards, and light fixtures. She teased me with the promise of tools and audio visual enhancements. Her mission was clear to me now.

I confronted her with her trickery; she smiled coyly and made a promise.

I am so excited; we are going to Home Depot this afternoon!!!

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